New invention idea: vibrating tampons
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize