I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
