I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
