Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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