Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
