The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize