Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
