There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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