Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
