Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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