For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
