And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
