I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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