my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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