and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
