Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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