I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
