I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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