were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
