Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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