Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
