Me too!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
