I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
