Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
