Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
