I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Two words: blizzard sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
