You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
