I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize