It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
