I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Randomize
