WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
