I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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