You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize