Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
