The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
