You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
