I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
