this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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