No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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