saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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