I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize