just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
