Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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