So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
