Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
