I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
