I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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