Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
