Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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