I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
