Please, let me fuck your mom
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
