I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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