She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
