you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
