ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
