Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's never too late to be topless.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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