i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
