her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
BRING THE BAGELS
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