I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
