I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
