I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
