Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
