better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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