are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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