I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
