ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
