Please, let me fuck your mom
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
