is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
