thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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