I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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