Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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