I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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