so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize