I faked an abortion last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize