$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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