I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
