omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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