let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
