So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
