hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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