im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
