Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
