I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
