I just pynch a tree in the face
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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