He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
