Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
