some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
