So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
