how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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