watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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