sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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